The Do's and Dont's of Wedding Planning (from my p.o.v.)

Hello Readers!!

My wedding planning process was 16 months long. During that process, my husband and I learned alot about ourselves and each other. It may sound dramatic to some but it really is something that is hard to understand until one finds themselves in that situation. The thing about wedding planning that causes so much stress and drama, is that it's such an EMOTIONAL event for EVERYONE involved. Meaning, not just Mom, Dad, Sisters, and Brothers BUT Pastors, friends, uncles, aunts, and neighbors. Literally everyone you meet is happy for you and everyone wants to feel included in your big day. So the hard part comes in managing what the COUPLE wants and what everyone else wants. That is where all the conflict comes from, not wanting to dissappoint, feelings of guilt, inability to take a stand, etc. These are all things I felt! Having a planner helped alot because my planner was not only a wedding planner she was a counselor, referee, mediator, and everything else in between. It was helpful and refreshing to have someone that represented us and was willing to take things OFF of our plate so that we could breathe easier at times.

I feel that my job as your wedding blogger is to inspire and educate soon-to-be brides all over the world. So my goal with this post is to simply enlighten those that are in the planning process or soon will be. As you can probably tell from a few of my previous posts and my blogging "hiatus," wedding planning is NO JOKE and it can get out of control very quickly. Here are a few do's and dont's that I personally picked up during my process that I felt an urge to share with our wonderful readers! It's probably one of my lengthiest posts but well worth the read if this is something you plan on facing in the near future!!

DO manage your expectations

   This is a HUGE one. Probably the MOST important one in my opinion. As a wedding connoisseur I got VERY carried away with my wants and my must haves. I have scores of computer files filled with pictures that I have been collecting for years, of things my wedding could not do without. You know Vera Wang, fireworks, 7 ft tall cakes, celebrity performers, etc. But when I was faced with the challenge of making all these things happen there was a LOT of disappointments along the way, because lets face it, we HAD a budget. It wasn't one of those situations where funds were unlimited and I could have it all. I don't know too many people that are that lucky, lol! So for all of you that are looking to get married and started magazine clipping and wedding blog dreaming, get realistic NOW. Do your research and try to find out how much things that you want cost, start saving like a mad person, and again I'm saying BE REALISTIC! A lot of vendors may not take you serious if you don't have a date picked, but it doesn't hurt to shop around and get a feel for how much things will cost you. It's important to have a grasp on what's out there.

DO explore different avenues for stress management

   How do you wind down? Is it a glass of wine and a chick flick? Is it a night out with friends? Exercise? Whatever you do to relieve stress, do it and ramp it up when necessary. I'm not saying turn into an alcoholic, loll! But what I am saying is do not use your fiancee' or friends as a punching bag. Don't take your anger or frustrations out on them. If you need to sign up for a kickboxing class, do so. Find ways to release your stress so that you don't transform into some ugly, nasty monster that nobody likes a.k.a. Bridezilla

DO hire a planner, and (if you do) learn to RELEASE control

   You will never hear me downplay the importance of a wedding planner. But that is not the final step when you hire a planner. Understand very clearly what services they will provide and STOP doing whatever it is you are paying them to do. If you want your planner to select your vendors, allow them to do so. You can cross check and approve but it's no need for you to be scouting DJs and bartenders when you hired someone to do that. If you already have vendors in mind for certain things that is totally okay but don't stress yourself over something you can easily hand off. I know it's hard to do this (my fellow control freaks) but I promise you'll be glad when you do.

DO respect your soon-to-be-husband's input and be a united front at all times.

   This is very important because oftentimes women forget about their other halves in this process. Some men don't wish to be involved at all which is okay (be glad! Trust me), but if your guy wants to have input DO NOT ignore him or go against his wishes. If this means hours of coercing and persuasion so be it. The last thing you need is for tension to build between the two of you. At the end of the day it's about your joyful union and you don't want any bitterness there. Also, it's MUCH easier to deal with opposition from family, friends, and others when you and your significant other are on the same page. It's like Jesus said in Matthew 12:25 "a house divided against itself can not stand". If you guys don't agree then nothing else will flow. So keep the peace at all costs!! If you can't seem to get on the same page I highly suggest marriage counseling and speaking with other married couples you trust for some insight and advice. DONT BE TOO PROUD TO ASK FOR HELP!

DO make a list of must-have's, strong wants, and "would be nice but can live without"

  What I mean by this is you simply can NOT have it all unless money is NOT a factor. If it is not, then skip this one and go to the next point. If money IS a factor continue reading. Draw a box with three columns. In one column label it must-haves, this is for things that you will NOT compromise on and will have over-arching priority over everything else. Here some people put particular venues, certain dress, photographer etc. Next column: Strong Wants. These are things that you really really want but take a backseat to the must-haves. The next column I call it "would be nice." This column consists of things that you would LOVE to have but will be the first to go when it's budget cuts time. Just be careful that you don't get attached to things in this column and push them over to the must-haves (happened to me a few times, lol.) This could be something like a dessert bar or a photo booth.

DO choose your bridal party very wisely

   Some people can guilt-trip or bully you into who to select for your bridal party. I had a big party but I don't regret for one second anybody I chose! There were ups and downs but on the day of I was surrounded by my closest friends who had my back through and through. That's what its all about! Really evaluate your friendships before selecting because it is hard to fire and re-hire when the date starts approaching. Also, manage your expectations in regards to your BP. Your friends had lives before you asked them to be apart of your wedding and their lives will continue, so be understanding of their schedules, budgets, and limitations. Don't let wedding planning ruin your friendships!

DONT'S

DON'T make it ALL about  YOU

   You'll hear EVERYBODY telling you that it's YOUR day and don't let anyone take that from you and I totally agree! BUT remember, it is a day your parents and parents-in-law waited their whole lives for as well. It's a day your friends have been looking forward to as well as every member in your family that loves and regards you. So it's all about you in the sense that you are the reason everyone will gather and everyone is there to share in your day of love. But don't let that get to your head and turn you into a horrible person. Humility and prayer will get you a LONG way in the planning process. When you humble yourself you will be SURPRISED how many people will come from all corners willing to help you with anything you need. If you are treating everyone with no respect and being a brat the entire time you will notice that on your wedding day you'll be all alone.

DON'T expect perfection

   Leading up to my wedding day, everyone is asking "so, how do you feel???" My only answer was "I just want it to be perfect." BUZZZZZZZ: Wrong answer!! Sure enough there were hiccups and things that went wrong on my day. There is no such thing as perfection, but still for some reason when you plan ONE day for a year plus it's hard to understand why it would be anything less than perfect!! But we must remember it is an event for humans, organized and arranged by humans. Humans are what?? Imperfect! So just know that no matter how much money, time, or energy put into wedding planning there will be SOMETHING that you did not plan for.

DON'T think everyone will REVOLVE their lives around YOUR wedding

   When you first get engaged it will feel like it's time for everybody that loves you to "drop everything you're doing because I'm getting married." In reality, absolutely nobody is going to do this. Except for maybe your Mom and your planner if you hire one. People will NOT come to your wedding because of prior obligations, people will NOT RSVP because they forget and people will ask you a million questions because they don't read their emails. Thinking that this day is a hallmark in everyone's lives is a total setup for disappointment. Sure your friends will be excited for you and they'll be willing to help. But if it interferes with their lives in any way you MUST be understanding. Don't get mad or be OVER expectant. Just be grateful with what help you do receive and move on!

DON'T rely on monetary gifts before receipt

   This is self-explanatory. Don't factor in money you've been promised until it reaches your hand. Don't book vendors and make obligations unless you can afford those things, in case "something comes up."

DON'T ever ever give up hope if your must-haves seem out of reach

    When you take a look at your must-have lists halfway through planning, you may notice some things that don't seem like they will happen or come through. My advice is to NEVER give up hope! That is from sheer experience. I really wanted draping for our venue and after we did some shopping around it seemed completely impossible. I was utterly devastated. As in, crying, mad, didn't feel like talking to anybody for like a week. I prayed and fasted and put it in God's hands. At the VERY last minute there was a breakthrough! To many it may sound foolish, "all that over draping" but it was THAT important to me, and God saw that! Nothing is impossible!

DON'T wait until last minute

   Although we had a long time to plan, there were plenty of things that were left till the last minute. One of them being our aisle runner, we had to settle for some flimsy version because we didn't have the 10 weeks needed to order a really nice one. Don't let the little details slip through the cracks. Be proactive and draw up a weekly to-do list to plow through day by day!

What do you think? Agree or Disagree? Did this help anybody planning?

Stay Beautiful My Loves,

Memi  

Pin It Now!

Have You Always Wondered?? Igbo Traditional Wedding

A few weeks ago I did a post on Yoruba traditional weddings and as I said I would explore marriage traditions from ALL over! Today I am presenting you with Igbo marriage traditions. I was blessed enough to have help from my most FAVORITE Igbo friend, Precious Obua! THANKS PRESHHH!! So here is what Precious had to share with me about the beautiful traditions of Igbo weddings.

Bedazzled Photography

In Igbo traditional wedding starts with the groom's family approaching the bride's family and they welcome them. They sit down and tell the bride's family what they have come there for. They ask the bride if she approves of the request, she then says yes. The groom's family will present everything they bring from the bride price list. Palm wine is served. If the bride's parents drink the palm wine, she is permitting of the wedding. They pour it in the cup for her to go find the man she wants to marry. She finds him, kneels down and gives him the wine to drink and he saves some for her to drink. He puts some money in the cup to "dash" her, once she is finished drinking. They are now husband and wife. She brings her new husband to the families. The oldest man in that family will bless the two. If not the oldest, the mother and father will bless the two of them. Now the ceremony can begin! After the ceremony is over the bride changes into married woman's traditional Igbo attire and follows her husband. It signifies she is now traditionally married.

Pictures borrowed from www.yeswewed,com. Photos taken by Ellie M. Photography

What does Kola nut and palm wine signify?
The kola nut means peace and unity. An acceptance and welcome. The palm wine is tradition, and any traditional marriage without palm wine is not complete.

Why does she look for the man?
When she looks for the man, it shows that not everybody sitting there witnessing the marriage knows the man. We assume that she is the only person that knows the man. If she finds him and brings him out that means she is making it known to everybody that he is the man that she wants to marry.

Same photo credit as above

What do you love about Igbo Traditions & how does it blend with American traditions?
I love the igbo attire and the traditional drink. I love my language because I was born with it and its easy and simple to me. Igbo people are very gentle and kind. I love the respect that young people have for the elders. In Igbo tradition we don’t typically kiss at weddings but now due to western influence the phrase “you may kiss your bride” is acceptable.  American music is more acceptable in ceremonies now and throwing the bouquet is also a favorite of mines. 

www.mywedding.com

Stay Beautiful My Loves,
Memi

Pin It Now!

Let's TALK ABOUT IT: Bridezilla Much??

Hey guys!!

So todayyyy I want to hear from all of my wonderful readers!! My question today is what makes somebody a BRIDEZILLA?? This term is thrown around alot nowadays, especially with the growing popularity of the reality show with the same name! So as I jump into wedding planning I MUST admit...I do find myself having some bridezilla moments, despite my efforts to keep my cool, which is hard to do when you deal with SOOO many different personalities and so many different opinions going into something that is supposed to just reflect a husband and a wife. (I plan on journaling my wedding planning process as time goes on so STAY TUNED!)

So this is why I'm just reaching out to you all today and wanted to know what do you think makes a bride turn into a bridezilla?? Is it always a bad thing? Can it be avoided? If you are already married were you considered a bridezilla? Why or Why Not?

To the wedding professionals out there, how do YOU deal with Bridezillas? What is your take on them? Would you say it is a thin line between knowing what you want and being a brat? 

So talk to me ya'll! I wanna know what the people have to say! :-D

Stay Beautiful My Loves, 
Memi

Pin It Now!

Have You Always Wondered???: Yoruba Traditional Engagement/Wedding Ceremony

Hello Guys! Today I have a post answering questions some people may have! The question of the day is what goes into a Yoruba Traditional Engagement/Wedding and what is it all about??

In Yoruba culture, the engagement ceremony is seen as the actual wedding ceremony, with the church event and reception being a formality due to Western influences. The engagement ceremony is held a couple of weeks or during the week leading up to the church event. The groom is dressed in an agbada and underneath that he wears, buba ati sokoto (men's blouse and pants). On his head he wears a fila (cap). The bride is in iro ati buba (wrapper and women's blouse) accompanied by an ipele (the garment on her shoulder) and a gele (headgear). Around her neck she wears traditional beads called iyun. These are made from red coral. The fabric used for the agbada, ipele and gele is aso-oke, specially handwoven for the couple for the day. Typically, the aso-oke design is unique and never repeated for anyone else and is usually chosen by the bride's mother at the weaver's store. The buba ati sokoto as well as iro ati buba are usually in a lace fabric and worn only by the couple on that day. Below is a photo of an example of the outfits the couple will typically wear.

S67 Photography

Traditional marriage consists of two parts. The Introduction & The Engagement. It is now common for these two to flow into each other as they are held on the same day while the wedding ceremony for a Christian couple takes place soon after, in the church. This is akin to the practice in the Biblical times when a bride is betrothed to her husband but the wedding celebration is at a future time.

The Introduction is the part of the ceremony where the groom’s family introduces themselves to the bride’s family and also makes known their intention to ask for the hand of the bride (from the bride’s family) in marriage to their son. This is done through the help of a spokesperson on both sides of the families. The spokesperson on the groom’s side is referred to as The Standing Chairman (“alaga iduro” in the Yoruba language). The spokesperson on the bride’s side is referred to as The Sitting Chairman (“alaga ijoko” in the Yoruba language). Most of the exchanges will be between The Standing Chairman and The Sitting Chairman. The groom and his friends are normally asked to "dobale" (prostrate) as a form of respect in front of the bride's family, in order to show how SERIOUS he is about marrying their daughter!!

S67 Photography

Then next, a proposal letter written by the groom and his family is presented to the bride’s family and in return, an acceptance letter is given to the groom’s family and the engagement follows. 

The Engagement is the part where the groom’s family is expected to bring the items listed in the engagement list given to them. This list is often agreed upon ahead of time and may include some of the following items: yams, honey, salt, fish, drinks, a suitcase of clothes for the bride, The Bible, an engagement ring, etc. Each of these items has its own significant symbolism which serves as the spring board for prayers during the ceremony. Below is an example of a "engagement list" (the amounts are in "Naira", Nigeria's national currency)

Typical Yoruba Traditional List for the Groom

-Engagement Bible	-Owo Isigba(fee to open the gifts on this list (usually packaged))- ₦ 500
-Engagement Ring	Dowry - ₦ 5,000
-One Big Suitcase	-Owo Omo Ile Okunrin(Money for all male children) - ₦ 500
-2 Different Pairs of Shoes and Bags	-Owo Omo Ile Obinrin(money for all female children) - ₦ 500
-2 Head Gears (of high quality)	-Iyawo Ile - (money for all wives in the family) ₦ 500
-Gold Wrist Watch	-Owo Iya Gbo(money for bride’s mother’s consent) - ₦ 1,000
-1 Traditional Cloth (Aso- Oke)	-Owo Ijoko Agba (money for all the elders in he family) - ₦ 1,000
-4 Other Assorted Clothes	-Owo Ijoko Iyawo(Money to bring in bride) - ₦ 1,000
-42 pcs Obi (Kola nut)	-Owo Isiju Iyawo(money to unveil the bride) - ₦ 1, 000
-42 pcs Orogbo(Bitter kola)	-Owo Ikanlekun (Entrance fee) - ₦ 500
-42 pcs Atare (Alligator pepper)	-Owo Baba Gbo (money for bride’s father’s consent) - ₦ 500
-1 Decanter of Pure Honey	-Owo Phone(money for phone calls) - ₦ 500
-1 Big Dish of Aadun(peppered Corn meal)	-Owo Plane (money for travel to groom’s family house)- ₦ 500
-1 Big Dish of Sugar	-Reading of Letter - ₦ 500
-42 pcs Big Eja Osan (Dry fish)	-Owo Alaga Ijoko(money for MC) - ₦ 500
-1 Big Dish of Salt	-4 Cartons of Five Alive
-42 Tubers of Big Yam	-4 Crates of Can Drinks
-1 Roll of Sugar	-6 Bottles of Wine
-1 Big Bag of Salt	-2 Crates of Can Malt
-Umbrella	-1 Empty Decanter

An example of gifts the Groom's family will bring to the engagement ceremony

The groom will present the bride with her engagement ring. Both the bride and groom are then prayed for by the heads of both families including their parents and others appointed on each family’s behalf.

 After prayers, families and friends of the bride and groom are invited to eat and dance. 

A Mother holding on to her daughter while praying for her for the last time b4 she joins into another family (Google)

What do you guys think?? Do you have any other questions about Yoruba Engagements??? Ask away!! 

Stay Beautiful My Loves,
Memi

Pin It Now!