Parental Advisory: How to Involve Parents in Wedding Plans

Friday, February 1, 2013

Hello Lovelies,

One of the hardest parts of wedding planning is managing your wants as a couple versus the wants of EVERYbody else. Most of the time "everybody else" is in reference to your parents. There are some parents who look at their child's wedding day as one of the proudest moments of their lives. Most parents want to be involved, want to finance it, and expect to have SOME say on the outcome of the day. So what do you do if you bump heads with your parents? What if they are trying to control everything? What if their vision is totally opposite from yours?? Well I hope I can provide some insight into these questions for you! I will just post the most common questions that arise in regards to parental involvement.

What if we just can NOT  agree on a certain thing?
Well the last thing you want to do is sever a relationship with your parents because of a wedding. Weddings should be joyful and tranquil, you want as much peace as possible surrounding your new union. So my suggestion will be to sit with your parents in a neutral setting and discuss how you feel open and honestly. Oftentimes, it's hard for parents to view their children as actual ADULTS and they still see you as the small baby they brought home from the hospital 20+ years ago. So it's important you approach them in a respectful manner while showing them that you are not a child anymore. If this doesn't work then try finding an older person who can serve as a mediator. You want to select someone who is neutral to the situation and who you can trust to be honest with both parties. This could be a clergy member, family member, wedding planner, or family friend. 

How do I get my parents to release control?
Well, my question here will be...are they paying for it?? Some parents will write a check and let the couple choose to do whatever they would like. Then there are some who will write the check BUT expect their needs and wants to be met. In this situation it's important to discuss the terms of what comes with the monetary gift. This is where you express what your visions are to your parents and you make an attempt to get them on the same page with them. 

How do I get them to buy into my vision?
This is one area where having a planner may be useful. Having a professional that can help find that balance between what you want and what your parents want is essential. Show them pictures, show them videos, take them to nice weddings with you. Help them buy into the experience with you!

Do you have any other questions about parents and wedding planning?? If you drop them in the comments I can try to answer them to best of my ability?? How were your parents during your wedding planning process?? Do you have any other advice to give?? We want to hear from you!!


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Unknown said...

What if money is not really the issue? What if as a couple, both partners prefer to scale down the cost of the wedding? When the couple receives monetary gifts, they prefer to put this money towards long term investments like a new home. How do you make parents who say "well, we won't ask you to pay for it" to understand your vision is of a less fussy wedding and a more simple, elegant style? For example, the parents want a live band with the talking drum included, it costs several thousands dollars. However, the couple prefers a live DJ, which will save money. How do you convince the parents to agree even if they offer to pay for the live band?

Memi said...

@Unknown Thanks so much for asking this great question! My answer to that is try to get your parents to understand the reasons WHY you dont want a live band. There may be more to it than just wanting to put your money towards something a house. Will the band take the attention off of you the couple? Will they take up a big chunk of your reception program that you want to fill with other things? Will your guests enjoy the music that a live band will provide? Think about other reasons to persuade your parents. Also, try the first tip posted above, and see if you can get someone else to advocate for you and get your parents to understand.

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